26 Best Replies To “Mind Your Own Business” (Witty Comebacks)

When you ask a question, one response that you might get back is “mind your own business”. This reply can make us slightly shocked, all we did was ask a question, and now we’re being told that the answer is none of our concern. Today, we’ll look at 26 ways you can respond.

Why Do People Say “Mind Your Own Business”?

First though, we need to get to the bottom of why people say “mind your own business”.

Some people who are better left not knowing certain things. Instead of trying to explain, or risk making it worse, it can be better to let someone know (firmly) that they should not try to interfere in whatever is going on.

Most of us could agree that it’s never nice when someone tells us to “mind our own business”. However, there are times when it needs to be said. This could be for the protection of the one saying it, or the person it’s being said to.

If you know someone always tries to help but makes things worse, telling them to “mind their own business” could prevent them from investigating further, and making the problem worse. However, if a child overhears you talking about Christmas presents, you might say “mind your own business” so they can continue believing in Santa Claus.

For one reason or another, some people just like to be involved in everything. Even if it’s something they know nothing about. Or even something that is just best if they left it alone. Perhaps they have too much pride and feel like they have the ability to solve everything.

However, sometimes, it’s the person saying “mind your business” who is in the wrong. When they’re plotting something bad, or talking negatively about others, they might say “mind your own business” as a way of avoiding having to explain what they have done.

Intimidating people into not worrying can be a lot easier than trying to justify their bad actions. Which is why there are times when we should not “mind our own business”, and we should instead get to the bottom of what bad things have been going on.

Witty Comebacks

1. But, This Is My Business

What some people might not think of as “your business” could be in reality. It might seem like you have nothing to do with it, but that’s not true. For example, if you call someone out for dropping litter, it could count as your business, because it’s your community that they’re ruining. If they’re going to drop rubbish all over where you live, you have every right to let them know that you don’t approve of their actions.

2. If It’s About Me. It’s My Business

You might overhear some people talking about you. And then, when you ask them what they’ve been saying, they’ll have the audacity to tell you to mind your own business. Surely anything related to you is automatically your business.

3. Well, Talking About It Where I Can Hear Makes It My Businesses

Have you ever heard someone speaking very loudly? What makes this even worse is when they act as though their conversation was supposed to be private. If you’re going to talk loudly, you need to accept the fact that other people can hear you.

4. This Is A Freedom Of Information Request

In the UK, you can ask any government organisation for a “Freedom of Information Request”. This is where you might ask to see how they spend their money, or where it comes from. And your request cannot be refused. Of course, outside of the UK government, this phrase means nothing, but that does not mean it won’t annoy the right people.

5. And Why Would I Do That?

Perhaps you are just a naturally nosy person. You don’t want to just mind your own business. It will be far more interesting to pry into the business of others who have better things to talk about than what’s going on with you.

6. I Don’t Think You’re Smart Enough To Run Your Own Business

Did you hear some of what they said? Was it not very smart-sounding How are you supposed to mind your own business when others’ are so clearly in desperate need of repair? They might not accept your help, but is there any harm in trying?

7. No, Embrace The Free Market Of Ideas

During the enlightenment, the notion of the “free market of ideas” came to light. This means that the best way to figure out what ideas are good, and which are not, is to discuss and debate them. If someone believes that what they have to say is important, they should say it, and allow others to either agree or explain why they disagree.

8. Are You Worried That I’ll Tear Apart Your Arguments?

Some people are very attached to what they think. And the reason they do not wish to tell their ideas to others is yet are worried that their ideas are actually incredibly weak. Just the slightest bit of criticism will shatter their worldview. And so the best thing to do is to keep their worldview to themselves.

9. And What Is My Business

If you shouldn’t pay attention to this, what should you pay attention to? Get them to explain what your domain of interest should be, so you could avoid getting into other people’s business in the future.

10. Well, Clearly You Need Help Because You Can’t Mind Yours

They don’t have a clue what they’re talking about. And you know a thing or two that could seriously help them. They probably won’t accept your help, but you know (and secretly, they know too) that you need it.

11. That’s Not Very Nice

Don’t pretend it’s nice when it’s not. Let them know that “mind your business” is not a nice thing to say, and they should be more careful with their words in the future.

12. Maybe I Would Be Able To If You Would Shut Up

You’re trying to mind their business, but they’re being so loud about theirs that doing so is much easier said than done.

13. I Am Trying To. But Yours Is So Bad, It Clearly Needs Help

Again, if they don’t know what they’re talking about, let them know that they need your help.

Replies Appropriate In Other Situations

14. Fine. But When Sh*t Hits The Fan, I’m Not Helping You Clean The Ceilings

You won’t get involved in whatever it is they’re worried about. But you know that things are going to go badly wrong for them, and when that happens, you won’t be there to pick up the pieces.

15. Don’t Get Mad When I Pull A You On You.

If you’re talking to another nosy person, let them know that there is clear hypocrisy. If they are always in your business, it only seems fair that you would sometimes poke around in theirs.

16. Well Then Don’t Ask Me To Take Care Of Yours

If they’re going to act like this now, they can’t come crawling to you for help at the first sign of trouble. They need to accept that if they don’t want your help, they won’t get it.

17. Next Time You Need Help, Don’t Ask Me

Again, if they often ask you for help, it’s only right that you know what they’re doing. Otherwise, you pretty much just become a sort of servant.

18. Mine Isn’t As Interesting As Yours

Perhaps nothing interesting is going on right now. Why would you mind your own business when the business of others is far more interesting?

19. I’m Not Being Nosy. I Just Like To Gather Information

Clearly a joke. You’re making it clear that you are aware of your business, but you don’t mean any harm by it, you’re just a naturally curious person. And all you want is to find out about other people. Because you’re a people person.

20. But I Like To Make Other People’s Business My Business

Your business is whatever other people’s business is. You care about what’s going on in the life of others because you find what they’re doing very interesting. There is nothing wrong with caring about others.

21. But My Business Is Boring. I’d Rather Mind Yours

Maybe nothing very exciting is happening right now. So you look to other people for entertainment.

22. I Am Literally Paid To Mind Yours Though

For when someone says this to you while you’re at work.

23. I Do. That’s Why I Am Where I Am Today.

Your business is very successful. This is why you are in a comfortable position today.

24, Oh I Don’t Mind Your Business. I Just Want To Know About It

You don’t “mind” what their business is. But you would still like to know.

25. How Many Times Are You Gonna Say That Before You Just Tell Me The Truth?

You know there is something going on, and you will get to the bottom of it.

26. I Tried But I Went Bankrupt

You are so bad at minding your own business, that the last time you did, the business ended up going bankrupt.


And there we have 26 of the best replies to “mind your own business”. Hopefully next time someone calls you out for being nosy, you will now have something you can say back in retaliation.

You may also like: 10 Polite Ways To Say “Mind Your Own Business”