35 Best Replies To “Guess What?” (Witty & Sarcastic)

Guess what? you don’t always have to give a genuine response when someone says “guess what”. I mean you can, but you don’t have to. Guess what? You can look below to see some examples.

Why do people say “Guess what”?

Usually, it’s to get you to guess what. They have some big news or a fun surprise for you but they want you to guess what it is first. It’s a nice fun way to build suspense for the reveal.

Our favorite witty and sarcastic responses to “Guess what”

You can be witty or sarcastic when someone says “guess what”. Get a little silly with it.

1. Chicken Butt

This one is a bit juvenile, but I used to say it all the time as a kid. I said it for no reason other than it rhymed and was fun to say. “Guess what?” “Chicken butt.” See? Pretty fun.

2. “The fifth dentist caved and now they’re ALL recommending Trident?”

Now, this is technically a quote from an episode of the sitcom “Friends” but you got to admit that it is pretty funny and a great sarcastic response to give to “guess what.”

3. You’re pregnant!

This one works great if you are in a public place and say it loudly so that a bunch of bystanders look over and start congratulating the other person. It then puts them in the funny and awkward position of telling all the strangers that they are in fact not pregnant.

4. Why guess? I know you are about to tell me.

This is a nice sarcastic answer that comes with a lot of attitudes. It works best when said to someone who has a habit of frequently coming up to you and saying “guess what.”


This really is a non-answer to “guess what” but it is a pretty annoying question so why not give an annoying answer?

6. No way!

Just get excited immediately for whatever they are about to tell you. This response works best in a public place where your excitement will draw a lot of eyes only for the other person to reveal an ultimately meaningless thing that will look silly next to your excitement.

7. Guess what?

Just say it right back to them. Give them a taste of their own medicine and for them to guess what before you guess what.

8. You finally got that fish!

Did they want a fish? Doesn’t matter just give them a dumb meaningless guess to the question. They don’t actually expect you to guess correctly. So why not try guessing very wrong.

9. *GASP*

Give a very obnoxious and over-the-top gasp after they say “guess what” like you are absolutely and completely shocked about the information that they are about to tell you.

10. I don’t think I can do this.

This funny sarcastic response involves pretending that the pressure of guessing what is too great that you can’t even begin to do such a thing.

11. I don’t care.

This one is a funny response that stops the other person dead in their tracks. Just make sure you give them a cheeky smile after you say it and let them tell you what they wanted to say, or else you could come off looking like a real jerk.

12. 42

42, it’s a good number and a good guess when told to guess what. One of these days it’ll be right. To quote the book hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42. So why wouldn’t it be the answer to “guess what”.

13. Just tell me.

You have had enough with this person’s games and questions. They want you to guess what? You don’t need to do anything for them. You are your own person. You don’t need to guess a single thing, they can just tell you.

14. OK. *list off random guesses*

You accept their challenge to guess what. Start listing off everything and anything that you can think of as a guess to what. Keep doing it, nonstop, until they stop you and tell you what. It is a funny response that also tells the other person how dumb it was to try and have you guess.

15. No.

Just a simple no will suffice to let them know that you will not be guessing what. Not now. Not today. You tell them no and they must bury their pride and tell you what.

16. You’re finally getting that operation!

There is no operation. But, if said loudly in public this will get a lot of people looking at the other person and embarrassing them

17. Timmy is stuck in the well?

This is a fun play on the classic tv show episode of lassie where Timmy got stuck in the well and lassie got him help. It then became kind of a stereotypical response when someone rushes up to you in a panic.

18. I’d guess you finally learned to brush your teeth but… yuck.

This is a fun sarcastic guess that implies that the other person’s breath stinks and them excitedly running up to you to tell you to guess what made you smell their bad breath.

19. Your house burned down?

This is another good one to say loudly in public to get a lot of eyes on the other person, embarrassing them and forcing them in the awkward position of having to tell all the strangers that their house did not burn down.

20. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

I mean, that is just true. That is a fact of science. We all learned it in biology class, the other person can not deny that it is a fact. See, science can be fun and useful. Use fun science facts to get out of having to guess what.

21. I know, I heard. I’m so sorry.

This is a fun one that will just give the other person a small scare. By saying it you will make them think that something horrible happened to them and they didn’t even know yet. So, that’s a fun thing to do.


Just yell that as a response. More often than not that will accidentally be a correct response to whatever surprise you are about to be told as it usually is about a major life event.

23. You bought me a pizza?

Say this with a very excited voice and then look disappointed when you learn they did not buy you a pizza. They might end up feeling so bad that they buy you a pizza to make up for it. That would be pretty cool.

24. You found out?

When they then ask what you are talking about, act like you didn’t say anything and try to change the subject. Relly get the person freaked out bout what you might e hiding from them.

25. A dog got elected president?

This sarcastic response works on two fronts. One it is just a funny guess to make that shows the other person how ridiculous it was for them to assume you would be able to guess. But, it also is some nice wishful thinking. A dog president would be pretty cool. I would vote for a dog. No doubt about it.

26. What do you mean?

Pretend to have no idea what they meant by “guess what.” Force them to explain what exactly they had hoped would happen when they ran up and said “guess what.”

27. They invented cars that run on water.

This one is some more wishful thinking. It’d be pretty cool.

28. Taylor Swift has a new song out.

Again, just some wishful thinking combined with a random guess because how are you supposed to guess what.

29. North and South Dakota have worked out their differences and are now one big Dakota?

This is another silly and sarcastic response to give someone who asks “guess what.”

30. You want to give me $50?

It may sound silly now, but if you say this, and it ends up working, you are $50 richer my friend. Congradulations.

31. Left-handed people don’t actually exist and it’s just a myth?

Think about it. Have you actually met a left-handed person in real life before?

More polite responses

Here are some more polite responses.

32. What?

It is the simplest response but also one of the most polite. Can’t go wrong with a genuine “what” when told to “guess what”.

32. I don’t know.

Why lie? Just tell the truth, you have absolutely no idea what it is they want you to guess and it’s crazy that they expected you to be able to guess.

34. *take a genuine guess*

Just take a genuine guess, you probably know the person well enough to be able to guess what would get them so excited that they came up to you and said “guess what”

35. Just tell me.

Cut right to the chase and have them tell you what has them so excited, no need to guess a bunch of time.

Why it’s important to not always go with the sarcastic response (Although it might be tempting)

When someone says “guess what” it is very tempting to give a joke answer. But, that is not always best. Sometimes you should go with a polite response. One reason is if your boss says “guess what.” They probably have something important and work-related to say and they don’t want to hear a joke. Another reason is if your friend says “guess what” and they seem genuinely excited about something. It’s best to be polite and let your friend be excited and talk about whatever it is.

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