30 Funny Comebacks For Late Messages

It’s always annoying when people take a long time to reply. Sure, we all have things to do, but when someone takes two days to reply, that is a sign that they are the problem. Today, we’ll look at 30 ways you can respond to a late message or reply.

1. If Your Messages Were My Period, I’d Be Pregnant By Now

This is perhaps not for the faint-hearted. As anyone who knows anything about human biology will know, when a woman misses her period, that is a sign she is pregnant.

Therefore, if she were to rely on your messages for her period, she would be pregnant by now.

2. You Better Be Writing Me An Essay

It’s no secret that essays take longer to write than typical text messages. You’re not really expecting them to write you an essay. But, if they were, it would be a valid reason for them taking so long to reply. But, what’s the likelihood of that happening?

3. Did You See My Text And Die Out Of Excitement?

Maybe this person really likes you, and they have a heart condition. This means that when they get super excited, it can cause their heart to beat too fast, which causes death. Maybe they like you so much that it triggered some kind of reaction that ended their life.

4. I Left Rock Bottom A Long Time Ago

Often, we text some people when we’re at rock bottom, to try and get their help, or just have someone to talk to. But, as soon as we feel better, that person no longer serves their purpose. Why would you talk to someone at their convenience when they wouldn’t speak to you when you needed them.

5. Oh You’re Bad At Replying? I’m Bad At Following People Who Are Bad At Replying

One common excuse that people come up with when they take a while to reply is “I’m bad at replying”. Most of the time, that is not true.

If they insist that they are “bad at replying”, you should unfollow them, because you are bad at following people who are bad at replying.

6. The Person You Are Trying To Contact Is Living In A New Era. We Are Extremely Sorry You Were Left Behind. We Will Try Our Best To Get You In Touch With Them.

This one is a bit long. But it can be funny. Because it sounds like some kind of automated message.

7. Try A Pigeon Next Time, They’ll Reply Quicker

In the past, one way to send messages was to attach them to a pigeon. This was one of the quickest ways there was to send a message from one person to another.

But, compared to messaging, pigeons are much slower.

8. Your Responses Are So Fast, Slow Down, I Can’t Keep Up

Some good old fashioned sarcasm, there is nothing wrong with it. By acting as though they are replying too fast, you highlight the fact that they are replying too slow. The way you’re acting vs reality creates a juxtaposition that highlights their slowness.

9. Are You Dead?

If there is just one valid reason for someone not replying to you, that reason would be their death. Not even the fussiest, or clingiest person in the world would expect a dead person to reply to them. So, it might be wise to double-check they’re still alive before you complain.

10. It’s Okay. Take Your Time

You don’t need to say it. Because they are already taking their time. In fact, they’re taking too much of it. But, if you do say it, it will highlight the problem. Perhaps it will encourage them to respond quicker in the future.

11. I’m Sure Your Bachelors In Criminology Is Very Important. But I Would Like A Response

Another common excuse that younger people tend to give when they take a long time to reply is “I’ve been busy with uni”.

Whilst university does present some challenges, it does not mean you need to take several days to reply to a message.

12. That’s An Awfully Long Shower.

Another excuse that people use is “I’m just hoping in the shower”. If they take several days to talk to you again, that’s a sign that either they don’t want to talk to you, or, they were so dirty that it’s taken them that song to shower.

13. Civilisations Have Risen And Fallen In Less Time Than It’s Taken You To Reply

Whether it’s the Roman empire or feudal society. Every civilisation has its genesis and its conclusion. When someone takes a long time to reply, it can feel like an empire could have risen and fallen in that time.

14. If I’d Adopted A Puppy When I Sent That Message, He’d Be A Big Dog By Now

It would be great if puppies would stay puppies forever. But, they will grow up into a dog. However, the time it takes for a puppy to grow up is a lot longer than it should take for someone to reply to your message.

15. Is Your Empathy So Deep That You Can’t Even Pull It Together Enough To Text Back

Sometimes, being emotional stops us from replying to the messages of others. And maybe that’s the reason why they’re taking so long to reply.

16. I’m Waiting

There is not always a need to be so funny, witty, or clever. It can be good to just say it how it is. You are waiting for their reply, and they should be aware of this. If this doesn’t cause them to reply, then maybe you should rethink your friendship with this person.

17. Wow. Not Texting Back. How Cool.

For some reason, some people think that not texting back is cool. You’re supposed to think that they’re so busy being cool that they don’t have time for you. In reality, they are not cool, they are just rude.

Use sarcasm to let them know that you do not approve.

18. If You’re Too Busy To Text Me Back, I’m Too Busy To Keep On Following You

People will often tell you “I’m too busy to text you back”. This might be okay if they take up to 24 hours, but not more than that.

If they’re too busy to text you back, you need to be too busy to continue having them in your life, or on your social media.

19. Have Your Thumbs Fallen Off?

To text, most of us need our thumbs. Without your thumbs, it’s unlikely you will be able to text anyone. As unlikely as this is, it might be wise to double-check.

It’s more likely that they’re just being a bad friend.

20. Are You In A Coma?

If you are in a coma, then that is a valid excuse for not texting back. I have found that people in a coma find it very difficult to hold a phone, turn it on, look at their messages, think of a reply, and then type out their reply.

21. Was It Something I Said?

This one is funny when you haven’t said anything. When someone insults someone, the insulted might walk out of the room, or just stop talking to the other person.

Maybe you said something so vile, so horrible, so disgusting that they no longer want to speak to you.

Perhaps you said something as egregious as “Hey”.

22. I Was Still A Young Man When We Last Spoke

We all grow up as we get older. If someone takes a long time to reply, it can feel much longer than it is. You were a young man when you last spoke. But, because they have taken so long to reply, you have grown older and wiser.

23. Are You On Mars Or Something?

On Mars, cell phone reception might not be too good. The data will take longer to reach Earth than it would if it was sent from someone on Earth. So perhaps the issue is not that they are taking a long time to reply. Maybe the reply is just taking a long time to come back.

24. When The Archaeologists Discover My Phone, Maybe They Could Answer My Question

This person is taking so long to reply, you will be waiting for geology to change before you get one. If they are not going to reply, perhaps the archaeologists who discover their phone will. Unlikely, but worth a shot.

25. Were You So Busy Thinking About Me That You Forgot To Reply?

The fact you’ve replied at all has come as a shock. They were not expecting someone so wonderful to talk to them. As a result, they were so fixated on thinking about you, they forgot to reply to you.

26. Don’t Act Like You’re Not On Your Phone 24/7

Some people spend all their time on their phone. If this is the person you’re talking to, just insure them that you are aware they are not away from their phone.

27. Did You Faint From Excitement? Let Me Know When You Wake Up

Perhaps you are just such an exciting person.

28. Some People Literally Fought Wars For Each Other. All I’m Asking For Is A Text Back

When you look at what some people have done for each other and compare it to what you expect. It does seem like a massive gap doesn’t it?

29. You Have Time To Tweet But You Don’t Have Time To Text?

They’re not replying to you, but they’re posting on Twitter. This does not seem right.

30. You Took Two Hours To Say “hey”. I Don’t Want To Talk To You Anymore

If someone clearly doesn’t want to talk to you, the best thing to do is not talk to them.

You may also like: 30 Best Responses To An Apology For A Late Reply