35 Best Replies To “Shut Up” (Witty Comebacks)

Have you ever been talking and then suddenly been told to shut up? Of course, having this told to you is never nice. Because you feel as though what you’re saying is perfectly valid. However, next time someone tells you to shut up, you can hit them back with one of these 35 replies.

In Which Situations Do People Say “Shut Up”?

There are five main reasons why someone would say “shut up”. You are talking too much. What you are saying is bad. You are speaking at the wrong time. They need to concentrate. They are in pain.

There is nothing wrong with having a bit of a natter sometimes. But there are limits, and when it’s time to be quiet, you need to make sure to do so. Say what you have to say, but also be sure that you allow others to also have their time to talk. Try listening to them, as you might learn something.

And when we do talk, we should make sure that what we’re saying is true, polite, and relevant. If you are talking a load of unpleasant rubbish, you can’t be surprised when you find out that other people don’t want to hear about it.

There are times when nobody should say anything at all. For example, during a 2-minute-silence, or at a funeral is not the time to strike up a conversation.

Sometimes, people have tasks which they need to concentrate on. And these tasks are impossible to achieve if you have someone who is talking. The “shut up” in this situation might come across as rude, but it’s just because they have to do a task which you are preventing them from doing.

And the fifth reason why people will say “shut up” is because they’re in pain. When you have a physical condition- like a broken foot- the last thing you need to hear is someone talking about how amazing their dinner was last night.

However, there are also times when people unjustly say “shut up”, because they are an unpleasant person. And when that happens, you should think of something to say back. Here are a few ideas.

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Witty Comebacks

1. Silence Is Golden. But Duct Tape Is Silver

“Silence is golden” is an old idiom. Today, most people know it from the famous song that goes “silence is golden, but my eyes still see”. But, when you add “but duct tape is silver”, you change the meaning slightly. To say “silence is golden” is to say that their choice to shut up would be the best option. However, if, for whatever reason, that won’t be possible, the next best option is for them to have duct tape put on their mouth.

2. You Go First

It’s one thing to be told to “shut up”. But it’s something else entirely to be told to shut up by someone who is also talking a lot. You have bitten your tongue about how much rubbish is currently spewing from their mouth because you’re a polite person. However, if they are going to tell you to shut up, there is no longer any valid reason for you to tolerate what they have to say.

3. Show Me How

Another great option for when someone else is talking too much, but then thinks they have the right to tell you to shut up. Some say that the best leaders lead by example. So, if they are going to insist you be quiet, they ought to give you a demonstration of how it should be done.

4. No, You Shut Up

Once again, this option is similar to the two above. A great response to when another chatterbox tells you to shut up. Because if you have to shut up, it’s only fair that they also need to shut up.

5. I Bet Your Dad Said That When Your Mum Said She Was Pregnant With You

This one is probably not true. But that does not stop it from being funny. Imagine, when your father had just learnt he was about to be a parent, he told your mother to “shut up”, because he didn’t want to know that he had bought new life into the world- particularly considering he may have known how you would turn out.

6. I Only Know How To Shut Down

A bit of computer-based humour for you. The only time when you are not making sounds is when you are asleep. A bit like a computer. It also works because “down” is the opposite of “up”. This might create a bit of confusion for the other person, which will be very entertaining to watch.

7. You’re Not Mad At Me Are You?

Are you unsure if it’s you or them who’s in the wrong? By asking them whether they are mad at you could clarify this. They might respond by letting you know what you have just done- and you can prevent yourself from making the same mistake in the future. Or, you might just learn that they are being a jerk.

8. Oh Okay. Sorry

Perhaps that “shut up” has just made you realise that what you said was very unpleasant or inappropriate. We all make mistakes, but when we do, we must apologise. If you know you’re in the wrong, it’s better to try and defend yourself than try to justify the unjustifiable.

9. Are You Still Mad?

Maybe the two of you had an argument earlier, which you thought was over. But, the fact they’ve just told you to “shut up” is a sign that the past may not be buried. If they are still cross with you, give them a chance to let you know.

10. I Hate To Bug You. So I Will

Is it clear that this person is going through a rough time? There is no point in rubbing salt in the wound. Maybe the best thing to do is accept that they care about what you have to say, and be quiet.

11. Laugh

They might think they can intimidate you, but there is no way you are going to be intimidated by someone like them.

12. I’ve Never Been Very Good At That.

Maybe you secretly do want to shut up. But you never learnt how.

13. Aww. Are You Having A Bad Day?

If there is no apparent provocation, it could just be that they are having a bad day.

14. I Will Not Be Silenced

If what you are saying is important, you should not allow others to silence you.

15. Make Me

You know for a fact they are not going to be able to silence you.

16. Your Wish Is My Command

A bit of a jokey way to accept the fact that they probably have a point, and being quiet is probably best.

17. Roses Are Red. Violets Are Blue. I Have Five Fingers, And The Middle One’s For You.

A fun little poem to let them know that you will not shut up.

18. If You Don’t Want To Hear, Cover Your Ears.

If they don’t want to hear what you have to say, that’s their problem. Not yours. So just keep on going about your business.

Clever Replies

19. I Might Have The Right To Remain Silent. But I Don’t Have The Ability

When you get arrested, you might have the officer tell you that you have the “right to remain silent”. The joke here is that you do understand your rights, however, they do not understand your abilities. There is no law preventing you from being silent, apart from the laws of (your) nature.

20. No. That Would Give You Too Much Time To Talk Rubbish

Do you feel as though what you’re saying is valid, but what they have to say is just a load of waffle? It makes no sense then that you are the one to shut up. Because if you stop talking, they’ll just fill the air with whatever rubbish they have to say.

21. Wait Your Turn. The Adults Are Talking

Maybe they feel as though what they have to say matters. But you know it doesn’t. You know that they just want to say something because they’re the kind of person who has to say something. You will finish what you have to say, because what you have to say matters.

22. Does The Truth Hurt?

Sometimes, when people tell you to “shut up”, it’s because what you are saying is the truth, and they don’t like to hear it. But, the thing with the truth is that it remains true no matter who hears it. So, the best thing to do would be to enable as many people as possible to hear it. And the right people hear it, it could make the world a better place.

23. Talk To The Hand

If they want to tell you to “shut up”, they are not going to say it to your face. If they insist on talking to any part of you like that, the best thing they can do is say it to your hand. Because just like you, your hand doesn’t care. But unlike you, your hand doesn’t have to concentrate.

24. I Don’t Remember Asking For Your Opinion

Whether they realise it or not “shut up” is an opinion- the opinion that you should be quiet. But, if you have no interest in knowing what their opinion is, just tell them how much it isn’t wanted, and hopefully, they can leave you to talk in peace.

25. Why Don’t You?

What you’re saying is far more important than what they want to say. So, instead of you shutting up, it would make sense for them to shut up. Because they can learn far more from you than you can from them.

26. You’ve Had Your Whole Life To Be A Dick. Please Have A Day Off

Some people are just unpleasant. They always have been and always will be. But, just because they are like that most of the time, does not mean they can’t act like a decent human being from time to time. Even the worst people on the planet are allowed to have days off sometimes.

27. Please Lead By Example

If they want you to shut up, they have to start first. Because you can’t chatter away, and then get annoyed when other people do the same. And, if you are a man (or woman) of your word, you could even follow their example, and be silent just like them.

28. Is That Because I’m Talking Too Smart For You To Understand?

Maybe you are talking about some deep and complicated subjects. At the end of the day, some people are just stupid, and will never understand anything more complicated than a grunt. Maybe the best thing to do is to be quiet and wait until you are in the company of those slightly smarter than they are.

29. Shut Doesn’t Go Up.

This is funny because of how little sense it makes. Can you put “shut” up? Where would that be? How could you move “shut” to a higher location? Obviously, you can’t, which is what makes this reply so funny.

30. Not Too Many People Like You Do They?

Someone who says “shut up” for no reason is probably not the kind of person who has a lot of friends.

31. If I Wanted To Hear From An Ass Hole, I’d Fart

If they’re being an asshole, just let them know it. It might hurt their ego a bit, but that doesn’t matter too much.

32. Do You Hear That? The Sound Of Me Not Caring

They don’t care about what you have to say? Well, that’s fine, because you don’t care that they don’t care.

33. I Can’t Hear You. I Can’t Hear The Haters

You can only hear the voices of love and support. Any other kind of voice and your ears just filter it out.

34. I Envy Everyone You’ve Never Met

If they tell you to shut up, it can make you wish you never met them.

35. You Must Be Mistaking Me For Someone Who Cares.

You will continue talking anyway because you don’t care that they want you to shut up.

Conclusion

Being told to “shut up” is never nice. But, when it’s not even justified, it’s only fair that you can fire back. Because some people need to be put in their place and learn that “shut up” is not a nice thing to say.

Next time someone tells you to “shut up”, you will not be left speechless. You now have 35 things that you can say to them to let them know what you will not be kept quiet.

You may also like: 10 Better Ways To Say “I Told You So”